abide

Hey!! Most of my blogs so far have been my day to day life and schedule, but I wanted to switch it up and write a short blog on how the Lord has been working in and around me since the beginning of the Race!

Starting with training camp, I really struggled with this “wall” in my heart towards God. It felt like there was this numbness toward Him, and I was very confused and frustrated because it seemed like everyone around me was filled by Him and experienced Him in new ways everyday. I struggled with the head to heart connection and truly understanding Him and His love for me. I desired Him so much, so why didn’t I see Him more? If everyone is saying that He’s right there with me, why does He feel so far away? I felt “immune” to God, and I wanted so badly for Him to open my heart. I continued to struggle with this throughout the next couple weeks, and it wasn’t until a few days into Colombia that my team was reading The Utmost for His Highest and my perspective was completely changed: God trusts me with His silence. He trusts me to stand firm in Him even when I don’t visibly see Him. My faith has honestly grown more than it ever has through this time because my searching for Him has led me to understand and know Him on a deeper level. After all, it is called “faith,” not “sight.”

Throughout my time in Colombia, the Lord revealed to me a lot about myself. He showed me that I put a lot of my worth in my productivity and how much I get done. At home, I always filled my days, striving to accomplish all these tasks, and never truly learned how to rest without feeling guilt. In Medellín, there were a few days that I didn’t do everything I hoped or had planned, ministry wise, and I would go to bed regretting the things I didn’t do. The truth is, is that the Lord doesn’t require anything of me. He doesn’t have a list of things I need to complete to be worthy before Him, and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more or less. All He wants is for me to be His daughter and put my full identity in that simple truth. Yes, productivity is important, but when it becomes the only thing you’re striving for, that’s when it becomes idolized and hinders you from seeing the full truth of Jesus. “Abide” has been a big word that has stuck with me since the beginning of training camp, and the Lord is slowly revealing to me what that truly means— to remain, to be steadfast, to dwell, to be in constant communion with God, and to consistently acknowledge His love. 

Through this, He has also taught me how to properly rest, specifically on Sabbath. These past few weeks I’ve begun to realize the importance of Sabbath, what it really means, and why the Lord put it in place for His people. I listened to a sermon series called Rest For Your Soul by John Mark Comer (it’s on Spotify, I highly recommend!), and what really stuck with me is that in the Bible, the day of Sabbath was the first thing to be called holy (Genesis 2:3). Holy means to be set apart, so if a day is called holy by God, this day should be and look different from all the others. After God created the earth in six days, He rested on the seventh and did no more work. He specifically designated a day for His children to rest, just as He did, so why do we continue to live this day as if it’s another work day? Can we not trust that He will provide for us when we don’t complete all of our tasks? He’s the One asking us to rest, so we should confidently set aside our to-do lists and take the day to recharge and spend time with Him. The Lord, knowing that we are people of striving and goals, lovingly gives us a space to take a moment, breathe, and remember that He is truly the only One that matters. While practicing Sabbath on the race, this has become my favorite day of the week! I wake up, read my Bible, occasionally go to a coffee shop, listen to worship music, hang out with friends, and just abide in Him.

I have learned and experienced so much these past few months, it’s hard to all put it in one blog, but these are just a few things the Lord has taught me so far! He is working in everything and has become so evident in every part of my life, and I am so excited and expectant for how He will continue to reveal Himself. Please reach out of you want to know more, have any questions, or just want to get in touch!

– Mo 😊